Greetings Mouthketeers:
 
As many of you know, the Book Expo America (BEA), convention has landed in NYC, and this year’s installment should further shed light that this is a dismal time for books. That’s why I give the BEA a D- for not spicing it up and adding some puddy to the festivities in order to—at least—increase attendance and wake the crowd up.
 
Most book publishers won’t know what “puddy” means, but if I were the execs at BEA I’d find out.  If I knew my convention was slightly tanking this year because less publishers were exhibiting, I would look to other conventions, such as the International Auto Show, as a model for bringing in the people.  Hell, even the Auto Show’s website looks more inviting than the BEA’s. . . what’s up with that??

 

Here’s my suggestions for glamming the BEA convention up:  First, I’d open it up to the public, and make it cheap for the consumer to bring the entire family.  What’s the big secret behind these closed doors, book people? The worst thing that could happen is your books get some early buz and you give away a few more galleys.

Second, I’d bring in a busload of bikini-clad babes who could gyrate on top of platforms to look like books, as if they were slithering on a racing car at the Auto Show.

Third, I’d pump in some rock music or something peppy in the background. . . and PUHLESE do not put on any classical music because violins are snoozers, especially  when you want people to stay awake and order your inventory.

As honest as the station is, I’d get rid of the CSPAN bus that usually clogs a hallway, and replace it with a mud wrestling pit with oiled down lesbians who could promote a Prop 8 tell-all or something of that ilk. (Shout out to all the lesbian fans reading this.) Seriously though, if the publishers are spending every dime to bring in some celebs to sex this thing up a bit, the BEA should guarantee that exhibitors will be pitched to “Entertainment Tonight.” 
 
Most importantly, the book world should finally understand that the ebook is going to take over the marketplace, because the younger generation doesn’t care about whether or not they will be curling up with a big-ass book in the winter.  Books are way too heavy and dusty.  Gen X wants to read, but not read the way granny did.  Instead of walking around as if your industry is dying a slow death, publishers should simply sell an ebook selection for the same price as hardcover books.  What’ya scared of?  If one publisher demands this price, others will follow.  
 
In a culture where most people don’t read, it’s more important than ever for publishers to play the American game.  If sex sells, sell books in a sexy way.  Perhaps the BEA will be covered in Playboy next year—that is, if the mag is still in existence.
 
Did you read The Brothers Karamazov?  What a book.   
 
Peace.
 
The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator Pop Culture, entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

If you saw the “Today Show” this morning, you probably saw the interview with Sara Jane Moore, the only woman to have fired a bullet at a U.S. President (Gerald Ford). However, what the show didn’t tell you is that according to Geri Spieler, author of the new book, Taking Aim At the President:  The Remarkable Story of the Woman Who Shot At Gerald Ford, (Palgrave Macmillan), the late Gerald Ford agreed that the lack of communication between the Secret Service, FBI, and Justice Departments, could have been a major contributing factor to Sara Jane’s success in firing the gun.

Ford gave Spieler an exclusive interview for the book, which focused on intelligence gathering and government agencies.  Reveals Ford, “They all want their own turf. They get their own money, have their own power base.  It has been that way and it is not likely to change.  It’s too bad, and it is not likely to be any different.”  The book also reveals for the first time that because of Moore’s connection as a volunteer with various revolutionary groups, Sara Jane was indeed a double-agent:  Tapped to be an FBI and a San Francisco Police Department Informant.

Why didn’t the Today Show interview this author or reach out to anyone from the Ford family? Perhaps they did; but for about fourteen minutes, Sara Jane Moore was a star.

Does anyone remember the show, “Get Smart?”

Peace.

The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator Politics, Pop Culture, entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

Last night I received an e-blast from President Obama who was nominating his choice for Supreme Court:  Federal Appeals Judge, Sonia Sotomayor.  Jeez, did I just see a typo in that email?  If the President’s official e-press releases can house a grammatical error or two, where does that leave the standard for all of our everyday emails?  Who can keep up with all this e-correspondence anyway?  That’s why I nominate “email” as the worst waste of time and worst communicative tool of this generation. 

 

When did the powers that be (those powers being Blackberry, iPhone, etc.), decide typing emails was going to be a substitute for talking to each other?  Did I just hear someone saying they were just “chatting” with someone on a dating site?  Uh, hello.  You are typing buddy, not chatting.  You use your mouth to chat and your fingers to type.  Email has systematically stripped all of our personalities out of communication—at least when we send them during business hours. There’s no passion in an email, and if there is, the experts say it’s a misuse of the tool.

Who has time to write an email as if it was written by the likes of Ann Patchett or the late Michael Crichton, especially when you have three minutes to bang out the content before a business meeting? 

Did you ever regret sending out an email because of “the tone?”  Hmmm.

Should the White House Chief of Internet Marketing be fired for sending out the President’s email with a typo? I know book agents who have a major meltdown if there’s a typo in a client’s book, so why shouldn’t a press release sent out by the chief executive not be taken as seriously?  After all, once an email is published, it’s published.   

There has to be an easier way to do all of this.  Why don’t we take it upon ourselves and change the dynamic?  Let’s create a new job where people are hired as professional transcribers—those who take our dictation and create emails for us!  That way, our day is freed up to do other things, the company you hire will guarantee a grammar read before the email is sent to the recipient and all of the out-of-work actors will have a new survival job to be hired for.  After all, in the 70s we had telephone operators at Answering Services (who took our messages), and in the 80s we had Wang Word Processing Operators (who took our dictation).  God only knows what happened in the 90s; however in the 00s we should all just shut down our keyboards and let someone else handle the emailing, while we get back to work—and I bet you weren’t hired to stare at a computer and piddle about all day.  

 

When was the last time you made a pitch on the phone or sent out a letter to someone via the USPS?   I love getting a card in the mail, don’t you? 

 

Peace.

The Mouthinator. 

 

The Mouthinator Politics, Pop Culture

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

Why should we care about Marshall Mathers, and more importantly why does the New York Times care?  In last Sunday’s “Arts & Leisure” section, the paper devoted an entire big ass cover story to Mathers . . . as if he was Jesus or Tom Jones or Madonna for God’s sake.  

OK.  For those of you who don’t know who the hell I’m talking about, Marshall Mathers’ stage name is Eminem.  And Eminem is talented.  And?  Why is it a given that if you’re coming out of rehab or on the verge of being committed, the media in this country feels you deserve pages and pages of publicity?  Remember, “Crack is Whack” Whitney?  How about puddy girl Britney stretched out on a gurney?  What about all that Anna Nicole coverage?  Is it me or does the phrase “heard it all before” come to mind every time I read another story about another fallen entertainer?   And that’s why—unfortunately—I give the New York Times an “F” for a) wasting paper on the Eminem story and b) writing the same old crap about an artist who has come out of rehab and on the road to recovery.

On one hand, you could take out Eminem’s name and fill in the blanks with the next drug addict star because all these articles are the same.  After reading a gatrillion features like this one, I’m beginning to think the media writes about these subjects simply to feel cool or credible themselves.  You know, if you glorify the person who’s at the bottom, you, as an upper crust writer, look as if you’re connecting with the down and out crowd.  How “real” of you, Mr. Writer. And you, the writer, will look as if you’re the journalist who gave this artist their break—writing the big story, which launched their comeback.  You’ll go down in history too—as if you’re a celeb.  But, when is someone—especially writers at the New York Times—gonna learn they’re the ones who should be discovering the next Mathers, not simply getting the first feature on an OK artist who is coming back from a Betty Ford Center?  

Again, not to sound as if I’m rehashing my philosophy for the umpteenth time, but we’re living in the land of the free and the home of the brave . . . so with all the people who can rap, dance and sing circles around Mr. Mathers why is he the one the paper highlighted over Memorial Day weekend?  Personally I think it’s a badass cop out.  And to me it appears as if the writer ran out of story ideas, and the newspaper is desperate to gather a younger readership. Doesn’t the Times know the youth of our country supposedly do not read newspapers (in paper form)?   My advice would have been to put the damn story online only, and don’t waste trees printing out a hard copy unless you simply have to.       

I really would have loved seeing another feature story about Susan Boyle over Memorial Day weekend, wouldn’t you?  Where is Lena Zavaroni when you need her?  (Sadly, Ms. Zavaroni lost her battle with Anorexia Nervosa in 1999 at the age of 35.)

Peace.

The Mouthinator.      

The Mouthinator entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

Is it me or did I just see the same episode of the “Fashion Show” repeat just as the final credits of the premiere scrolled up the screen?  Wait.  Didn’t I just see that same episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” which first aired two days ago?  Oh, and isn’t “The Fashion Show” the same premise as “Top Chef,” where the first part includes small challenges, followed by an elimination challenge, etc., etc., etc.? 

Now I get it!  Bravo found a pattern in their programming, and they ain’t veering off the beaten path because they feel these cookie cutter casts make their audiences happy.  Wrong.  Your audience is getting tired, and bored.  At first, I thought it was a brilliant idea for the network to re-air shows just in case you’re not available to see them the first time around . . . but after seeing the talent, which came out of “American Idol” last night, and the fact that 100,000,000 people tuned into vote (for the wrong contestant, as I reported in yesterday’s blog), I’m now giving Bravo TV a big “F” for dumbing down their programming and burning out their viewers.

I certainly don’t want to copy and paste sentences from blogs past, but here’s a snippet worth repeating:  This country boasts we live in the land of the free and home of the brave.  Why isn’t Bravo brave enough to create different shows, rather than in recycling the same formats over and over again?  I feel as if I’m watching the Eveready Battery—in the form of a TV network, don’t you?

With 100,000,000 people voting for Kris or Adam, wouldn’t that give Bravo a hint as to what should be their next program?  Aren’t we tired of all these reality competitions anyway?  I’m even bored watching these contestants winning Ford Focuses aren’t you?  And who plays all these games?  I can’t remember the last time I broke out a game of Monopoly, can you? 

Bravo, dream up a variety music show, and for God’s sake, please don’t make it a challenge that’s in the vein of “Top Chef.”   Spend just ten minutes more with the brainiacs whom you still hire to dream up your show ideas, and see if they can come up with an hour with Cindi Lauper, an hour with Jennifer Hudson, an hour with Cher; and because you take the piss out of trash in a very classy way, an hour with Britney Spears.  I’m not asking you to model a show after “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” just dream up another concept so that the 1 Million music fans have a show to watch and a show for you to bet your money on.  Cool? 

Bottom line:  Ooops.  Don’t do it again. 

Hey, is “Project Runway” moving to Lifetime TV this summer?

Let’s take a moment to remember our fallen troops over Memorial Day weekend.

Peace. 

The Mouthinator.    

 

 

 

The Mouthinator entertainment

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

The wrong contestant won “American Idol” Season 8 last night, and winner, Kris Allen, even admitted it.  With all the gazillion singers out there, what makes Kris an Idol? 

 

“American Idol” is like going to summer camp.  You love returning each year but after you’ve been there more than you can imagine, you skip the arts & crafts projects, the barbecues and the softball games . . . and go straight to the color war.  

 

Did anyone hear Adam Lambert, who I think is the real winner of the season, sing “We are the Champions” with the band, Queen? The only thing I don’t like about Adam is his Joey Heatherton hairdo and the fact he looks like Lisa Marie Pressley and Kris Jenner (”Keeping Up with the Kardashians”) combined . . . which tells me all that feminity probably cost him the Idol crown.  But when Adam and Kris sang with Queen—forget the hair and the girlishness—that was the real moment when Adam left Kris on the stage and stepped up to the plates of Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Minnie Ripperton, Melba Moore and even early Mariah Carey.  Hell, if I were Queen I would visit Freddie Mercury’s grave, say a prayer or two of gratitude, and then run, not walk to sign Adam up as their new lead singer.  Frankly Queen desperately needs Adam.  Was Kris singing the song too?  Forgetful.

 

Or was it Kiss who desperately needs Adam?  I had the distinct “pleasure” of meeting Gene Simmons twice:  the first time was in 1979 when I served him takeout in his limo at Tavern-on-the-Green in NYC, and the second time was around 2005 when he was peddling his book project around to various publishers.  OK.  Gene has a long tongue.  And? 

 

The way “American Idol” ended last night really epitomizes the way Americans think.  They’re scared of unique . . . different.  For whatever reason, we’re the country that boasts a land of the free and home of the brave, but when it comes to ultra creativity and zing, we shy away and choose the familiar. 

 

Doesn’t Adam remind you of President Obama?  They’re different.  They legitimately have a unique voice and express themselves like no other.  Even though 100,000,000 viewers voted for the winner of “American Idol” this year, I bet there’s a chad or two that wasn’t counted in Adam’s favor.  No offense Kris, You are second. 

 

Don’t you think Cindi Lauper is da bomb?  Rod, go home. 

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator.    

The Mouthinator entertainment

 

 

 

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:
 
I didn’t think I was going to blog again about “Farrah’s Story,” the documentary about Farrah Fawcett’s plight to find a cure for her rare cancer; however, after reading the article in New York Post yesterday, entitled, “Best Pal Wanted Farrah $hare,” where part of the story included quotes from Ryan O’Neal about the making of the show, I thought I’d throw out (or did I wanna throw up?) my two cents about this reality docu-drama, which I belive re-aired on Bravo this past Monday.
 
I initially thought the show was poignant and moving, depicting Farrah in a light most actresses or everyday people would not care to share with the public; however, the more stories I’m reading surrounding the making of this film the more I need to know if Farrah and her friends created this documentary as a tool for Farrah to resurrect her career, along with the deadly careers of Alana Stewart, and most suspiciously, Ryan O’Neal himself?  That’s right.  My gut tells me there’s an underlying motive to this flick.  For Ryan to hint in the Post he wants to produce another documentary on Fawcett’s cancer fight tells The Mouthinator that Ryan thinks this first ”go round” was a pilot for a new reality TV series.

 

Do you remember “Chasing Farrah” on TV Land?  Frankly it was the most hideous reality show I’d ever seen—focusing on the everyday ass-wipe life of Farrah (before she came down with anal cancer.)  Boring, boring, and boring.  Now that Farrah is battling cancer, and was absolutely brave in her decision to show every facet of her life as it stands today, does O’Neal really feel it’s interesting if we shove more cameras in front of the actress during her last days?  
 
On Farrah seeing the reality show air on NBC, O’Neal tells us, “She wept, and I blotted her tears.  At the end, she said it was ‘very, very, very good,’ … we were worried because she didn’t have much of a pulse, but at the end, she was cooking.” O’Neal, did you just say that??? Not much of a pulse?  Puhleese, let’s bring Farrah back from the nearly dead zone so she can stop this insanity! Perhaps she was “cooking” because of all the radiation the audience watched her go through? Are you sure, O’Neal, you’re not trying to make another rendition of “Love Story?”
 
I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re in a dangerous place if we think airing someone’s demise is entertainment.  Certain people wear their religions on their sleeves so we can hear them spew hatred of others who aren’t part of their sect, certain people wear their amateur sex tapes on their sleeves so people can ogle over their fornication techniques . . . So why does Farrah’s entourage think she must wear her dying days on her sleeves, allowing us to watch Farrah disintegrate—right in front of our very eyes?  Is it all for ratings and reviews?  It seems as if the parameters of privacy are officially broken, and I’m assuming in less than seven years we’ll see people be murdered on television as a sort of sport.  Wow, I cannot wait . . . or perhaps I’ll be dead by then.  Who knows?

 

President Obama, would you please pass a law where people cannot whore themselves out on television when they should be home—in bed dying?  I’m just sayin’.

 

Hey, have you read the book, Grave Expectations?  

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator.      

The Mouthinator entertainment

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

Do you still read books?  If so, chances are you’re not finding out about the new ones from any book review . . . and that’s the saddest story in America.  That’s why I give all book review sections found in newspapers and magazines a big “F” for helping to f-ck up the demise of the book business.

Why do I think dailies and rags are screwing it up for the book world?  According to Wikianswers.com there were 1 Million books sold in America in 2007.  (Sorry, I couldn’t find data for 2008, so get over yourself.)  Why then, would the May 17^th issue of New York Times Book Review choose to review less than 20?  Why then, would the May 25^th issue of Time’s “Summer Previews” section include 7 books—along with a list of 6 other touted as a must-read, without a description of why the weekly was recommending it?  What about Newsweek who included one book?   And in the May 25^th issue of People, they reviewed 5 books, and another 2 were discovered in other parts of the magazine.  

Hell, People featured more styles of the summer’s hottest bikinis than reviews of books; and in Newsweek, embarrassingly they featured the bikini-clad Miss Cali on an entire page of their “Scope” section with a very “ingenious” quote by Trump (on why he allowed Miss Cali to keep her crown), boasting, “Carrie is totally beautiful.  And her answer because of that, took on greater importance.”  Did I just read that in Newsweek?  Hmmm.  Then the magazine should be called SoLastWeek or simply, BoringWeek. 

My point is that the media, which are responsible for promoting things, need to review more books, and need to be more kind to those who pitch them projects.  If 1 Million books were sold last year and less than 40 were plugged in the major rags of this country this week alone, I’m sure you’ll agree that most of us will never hear of the other 900,000+ hardcovers, which will go without a mention.  If the New York Times reviews every Broadway show, why doesn’t its book review editor demand that every book sold by a major publisher be reviewed, and then commit to at least reviewing 50% from the indies?  Since we’re on the subject, the Times should shorten their reviews.  How do you spell, “Y-A-W-N?”  We don’t need to read a whole page review on one tome—in some cases, these things are longer in length than the books themselves.  (Joke.)  Seriously tho, a book review should be a half column so the papers can simply feature more.  And if the same print outlets feel that sex sells, why not review trashy, tell-all books too?  Smart Mktg?  Perhaps David Geffen SHOULD buy the Times, because if anything, the book section will no doubt be sexier than it is and will attract the masses.  

Let it be known that as the real world looks to other formats to read—perhaps other than books—the media should help, not hinder, the outdated book business, and give these very smart but somewhat socially retarded group of writers and publishers a break because at the end of the day, the Trumps, the Bikini-clad Miss Cali’s, the politicians, the celebs—even the editors of the New York Times—all want to be known as authors who have published one of these . . . books. 

Did anyone read The Red Badge of Courage? 

Peace.

The Mouthinator.  

The Mouthinator Pop Culture

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

Farrah Fawcett.  What can I say but God bless her.  The woman who made TV history in “Charlie’s Angels,” “The Burning Bed,” and who even made an ass of herself on the “Late Show with David Letterman” twelve years ago, is fighting for her life at the moment.  “Farrah’s Story,” a documentary, which airs tonight (Friday) on NBC is the sad but true struggle of Farrah’s two and a half (so far), year battle with anal cancer. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Farrah isn’t the first person in the country to use television as a medium to expose their plight to live.  The most recent episode in this category must be Tammy Faye Bakker Messner’s last interview—literally days before she passed away—on the “Larry King Live” program.  It was a very painful sight to see, but let’s face it: there were times we were all entertained by Tammy Faye, and because of that, why not give her a quick moment to bathe in her own life? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other person who has used TV as a tool to tell her story and motivate the masses is my friend and client, Kris Carr, a 30-something woman who, on one Valentines’ Day, woke up thinking she had a hangover, only to learn she had stage four cancer.  You think you’ve got probs.  Kris had a problem.  As the doctors confirmed she had no medical options—not even Chemotherapy to fight off the cancer cells—she morphed herself into an amazing wellness warrior, literally changing her attitude about life, using “Whole Foods as her pharmacy” and documenting her plight to fight her ailment in the TLC documentary called “Crazy Sexy Cancer.”  I was extremely lucky to first work with Kris and her husband Brian Fassett to promote Kris’s books, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, and Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor, published by Globe Pequot, a passionate publishing house who really helped to launch Kris as the Deepak Chopra of her generation.  (Globe helped me to launch my company in a big way too.) If you think I’m hyping my ass and simply promoting my PR firm, I dare you to go on Kris’s wellness community websites, called CrazySexyLife.com and My.CrazySexyLife.com and tell me you were not moved or didn’t learn anything about wellness.  In fact, Kris is such a dynamo of hope, it’s been over five (perhaps six) years where her cancer is completely stabilized and even Oprah was mesmorized when she met her. 

 

My fantasy right now is for Fighting Farrah to meet Krazy Kris, and then hop over to pick up the late Terrific Tammy Faye.  I bet the three would really get along.  Sure, they share a remarkably horrible link, but they all have (or had), great hair, and great senses of humor.  My other fantasy right now is that they shouldn’t meet, shouldn’t have to go through what they are or were experiencing and shouldn’t be known as the grrrrrls who got the big “C.”

 

Whether you believe television is stupid or full of self-absorbed boring shows about nothing, I have described three examples where TV truly rocks.  If you want to see what a real reality show is, I implore you to watch these three women in action.  Even though the trio have had different experiences and different outcomes, they are the new “Charlie’s Angels,” and are a true gift of courage to us all. 

 

I look forward to tuning in tonight and watching “Farrah’s Story.”

 

What’s your favorite Farrah Fawcett television role? 

 

Peace.

 

 

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator Pop Culture

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:
 
She’s baaaack!  Do you remember Carrie Prejean, Miss California, who came in second place in the recent Miss USA Beauty Pageant?  It appears as if Donald Trump (a/k/a “The Donald”), spared Ms. . . Oops . . . Miss . . . California from being dethroned when the very religious girl’s nudie pictures (taken when she was seventeen), surfaced. That’s right.  Ms. Prejean—who pre-judged gay marriage while competing for Miss United States of America—seems to have exposed her wishbone and her bull’s eyes for the camera.  What up Cali?   

If her puddy pix haven’t tarnished her, will the way she gurgled about the gays do her in? Nah.  Ya know, she has every right to hold onto her belief system, and although I don’t agree with her I would not have wanted her to lie.  But what is it with the Christian girls who judge others, and then pose naked for the camera?   And to top it off, the press conference to defend her title took place on her birthday!  Is this a reality TV show or what?  Trust me, I don’t stereotype people but honestly I don’t think I’ve seen any Hasidic chicks talking about sects while sexing it up.  As a matter of fact, do Jewish girls even compete for Miss USA or will they go to hell if they apply?

But then there’s Monica Lewinsky, the closest thing the Jews have to a slutty grrrrl.  If Monica competed for the Miss USA crown would she represent, Florida, New York or New Jersey, the Jewish capitols of the world?  Or would she represent a town instead of a state?  Perhaps she’ll be the first pinup girl of Beverly Hills?  I can see it now, “And the winner is:  Monica Lewinsky, Miss Beverly Big Hills.” Yeah, right.

The point of this posting is if you’re going to wear your religion on you sleeve, for God’s sake don’t judge people and then open yourself up to being judged for appearing in a nasty photo.  Jesus would not be pleased.  And if you think your day in court is ovah because The Donald spared you, remember his back story, and remember he has money to pay a hoity-toity publicist to make “it” go away.  Does Carrie have a publicist?  Perhaps I’ll represent her.  Hmmmmm.

 

BTW, who won Miss USA anyway?  Oh, and did you see Rosie O’Donnell in “Fiddler on the Roof?”

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator.    

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mouthinator entertainment