Greetings Mouthketeers:

Some fans get super excited knowing they’re near the remains of The King of Pop.  Some governors get a hard-on thinking about their soulmates—one of which is a chick named Maria, somewhere in Buenos Aires.  Some girls get wet just thinking about the Jonas Brothers . . . and I am ready to dance naked in the streets with joy after discovering self scanners at the Super Stop & Shop.

You got that right!  I had an epiphany—an “aha” moment—after I saw these contraptions at the market the other day.  Why didn’t anyone think of this sooner? 

So here’s what happens: 

You go in the supermarket and they hand you a scan gun.  As you shop, you shoot this gun at the barcode (somewhere on the label of the item), and after your gun records the item, you pack your food in bags as you shop—rather than waiting on those long winded checkout lines.  Once you are in line, you hand the cashier the scan gun, she reads your total items for purchase, you give her payment, and you are out the door and onto the next chore! J

Here’s another amazing pet discovery:  For all of you dog and cat lovers, I recently discovered a holistic product called PetzLife Oral Care Gel.  What’s this?  It keeps you from paying a quadrillion dollars on a teeth cleaning for Fido and Fifi.  It’s an all-natural gel that acts as if it’s a doggy and pussy toothbrush, breath freshener and tarter control mouthwash all wrapped up into one . . . and your pet’s teeth becomes so white you’d swear you sent him/her to Brite Smile for teeth whitening!

Here’s an invention I wish someone would invent already:  For those of you who live in the burbs and use mulch, wouldn’t it be great if there was a “mulch spray refresher,” which would be an all-natural product you could sprinkle on your flower beds to bring luster back to the mulch you just spent a fortune on a month ago?  I know this sounds b-o-r-i-n-g to some, but anyone who can invent this product will end up being a gazillionaire and take me to dinner.

In any event, enjoy the July 4^th celebrations; and remember, life is about living, and reinventing.

What the hell happened to new and improved Alanis Morissette?   

Peace.

The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator entertainment