Greetings Mouthketeers,

Osama Bin Laden is dead, and our client, Cousin Brucie Morrow opened this week on Broadway.  What a week.  Both are huge events–for each respective party and culture, and both are important to the people who are their followers.

I am having a hard time understanding the media positioning on the Osama front.  First, how many of us heard American reporters tongue-twist our President’s name into Bin Laden’s?  President Osama?  It was really shameful, don’t you think?  I mean, here’s a guy (our Prez), who brought down the “Hitler” of our time, and a reporter can’t get his name straight?  Go back to journalism school, take an online history course at the University of Phoenix or pull up last week’s interviews with Donald Trump–he pronounced Obama’s name correctly!  Stop reporting, and start fact-checking!!

Second, how many days does the media need to report on the perimeter of the Osama story?  We heard about the killing, then we heard about the pictures.  Then we heard about what people thought about the pictures…And then I actually saw a show on cable that was showing other gruesome pictures of other dead people while they were talking about whether or not people should see Bin Laden’s gruesome pictures!  It’s too c-r-a-z-y.   I’m beginning to think the media wants to make this tragic story into a “Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4.”

Although I’m not for abortion, it’s not my place to decide if a woman should have one; and although I’m not for seeing the dead pictures of Osama Bin Laden, it’s not my place to decide whether the victims’ families of 9/11 should see them either.  If a mother of a child killed at the Twin Towers needs to see the blood of Bin Laden drip out of his brain for closure, then they need to see them, and they need to see them behind closed doors, not plastered on the front page of a tabloid.  The pictures should be housed at the State Department, and every family member of a victim should be invited to see them.  And if the family doesn’t want to see them, simply RSVP, “NO, CANNOT ATTEND.”

I love, love, love this country, and I also admire President Obama because he did the right thing.  I don’t think those brave Navy SEALs should have captured Bin Laden alive, and I don’t care whether or not he was armed when they took him down.  Were the victims of 9/11 armed when they were incinerated?  The only thing they were armed with was coffee and a donut, while they were rushing to work.  We pay way too many taxes as it is…would you really want a portion of your hard-earned money spent on keeping Osama Bin Laden in a prison, eating grilled cheese and bananas?

As the news broke about Bin Laden, the news started to break about the opening of Cousin Brucie, in the Tony award-winning Best Musical, “Memphis.”  He’s only going to be featured in the show for a week, but it was my company’s way of bringing light to his paperback version of “Rock & Roll…And the Beat Goes On” and boy was this fun times for all.  During the moments I was with the cast, the crew and our client, there was no talk of the Bin Laden story…it was as if I had stepped into a world before 9/11/2001, a feeling that was well worth it.  As I sit at Juniors restaurant, at Sardi’s and at Juniors (again) with Brucie, and share a laugh and talk about the time when he introduced the Beatles during their historic concert at Shea Stadium, the ones who were killed on 9/11 didn’t get a chance to laugh and eat cheesecake.  So, for God’s sake, if anyone in the media has any kind of integrity, please tone down the tabloiding so that people can heal…or perhaps see a picture of a dead man, or even see “Memphis” if they want.

Why did the Tony members diss “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” for Best Musical?  Now, THAT’S a problem.

Peace,

The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator Lifestyle, Politics, Pop Culture, entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

Is anyone stumped why NYC’s Mayor Bloomberg approved the mazes and mazes of pedestrian malls, fake sand, bike lanes (that no one seems to ride) and gigantic potted plants on the streets of the Big Apple?   First, I think the mayor has done a fine job in many ways, but this circus act on the streets of the city is making me FUME, (I’m fuming!), which is why, at least for today, I’m calling Mayor Bloomberg, Mayor FUMEberg!

You got that right, America!!

Take Broadway between 19th and 23rd streets–the Flatiron District and the hood of my company, Mouth Public Relations.  How many road gymnastics and cheap patio furniture can you put in one zone?  And, how many parking spots need to be in the middle of the street? Has the mayor even walked down the monster streets he and his transportation secretary re-routed?  The asphalt in town looks more like a bad version of a driving test than a serious tool for transportation.  And seriously, when you’re on 23rd street and ready to make a left turn: forget about only worrying about crashing into a bus or a pedestrian…NOW you have to worry about bashing into three uber-sized potted plants–strategically positioned as if they were pasties on a woman’s boobs–on the southeast corner of 23rd and Broadway–it’s an accident ready to happen.

OY Mayor, whassup with all dat?!@#

Seriously, I’m all for the environment, and actually get excited sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of Times Square; however, the last time I checked in dictionary.com, a “sidewalk” is for pedestrians, a “street” is for cars and trucks, and a “mall” is a place where you shop in Paramus, New Jersey.   I think the problem in the world isn’t about pushing the car off the streets of New York City (as if the Tablet has pushed the publishing industry virtually out of business), it’s about totally committing to a greener, smaller electric car, simply because people want to get to point A and point B faster than the mayor can say, “let’s create another traffic pattern!” And, whether Fumeberg likes it or not, the car is here to stay.

BTW, where ARE all the bike riders on the bike lanes?  If I was the owner of Schwinn bikes, I’d create a huge PR stunt and give away 5,000 bikes (first come/first served), in Times Square–simply to get people pumped on riding a bike again.  You see, if Fumeberg actually thought the bike lane idea through, he’d also create more parking lots for bikes, because in my opinion, people might ride a bike to work if they knew where the hell to park that thang.  (Our office at Mouth Public Relations is about 600 square feet, and since we have no storage space, we could balance a bike on our heads!  Why not?   Hahahahahaha…)

Whether you’re roller blading, riding a bike, walking or God forbid, driving a car, Mayor Fumeberg, would you PUHLEEZE, fill-up those facacta potholes, which emerged after all those snowstorms the newspapers said you weren’t even in town for?

Forget about comparing cellulite to cottage cheese, you can compare cellulite to the streets of NYC!

BTW, why do only 17% of those polled like Public School Chancellor Cathie Black?  She seems like a nice looking woman, right?

Peace,

The Mouthinator

The Mouthinator Lifestyle, News, Politics, entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

True Story:  A year ago I was on the train from CT to NYC, and by the time I arrived at Grand Central Station, I got in a cab and rushed my butt to an emergency room.  I had a severe case of diahorrea and was dehydrated.  TMI?  Please read on.  As I lay on the gurney in the emergency room, the IV drip loaded with electrolytes, didn’t drip, and unfortunately I didn’t know I was shriveled up like a prune until six hours later–when I was ready to be discharged.  I was charged for the drip that never dropped,  I met a doctor for 30 seconds who asked how I was, walked away, charged me $2,500 for her “care” and to this day I’m still paying the emergency room bill.

 

I am not one of the 46 million people who live without healthcare.  In fact, I’ve offered a plan to my staff for years.  In order to keep monthly premiums down though, I signed up for a plan, which includes a $3,000 deductible and doesn’t cover emergencies.  Did you hear me?

 

Threeeeee   Thousssssssand   Dollllllllar   Deductttttttttible. 

 

I think my case of the runs cost me over $5,000 that day. 

 

You can call it socialism, mechanism, Buddhism, realism . . . Who cares what the label is . . . Whatever you wanna call it:  Call it a National Healthcare Plan, which I strongly feel America needs.  Many of you thought you would forget the fact you worked in a boring job because you believed your benefits were special; however, if you read the fine print . . . you might as well quit your job because you have the same stanky benefits as I do. 

 

We need a plan, and we want Obama to put it in place; because up until this date, no President has done so.  Puhleese people.  Anyone who believes Pussoir Palin and her evil antics, swearing that Obama’s plan is going to allow “Big Brother” to prematurely end grandma’s life is on steroids!  Remember, y’all.  Palin doesn’t read any newspapers so why should we believe she’s read any part of Obama’s healthcare proposal?  Perhaps she bought the plan on tape and is listening to it in the car as she whores herself across America, posing as a Republican?  Didn’t the evil Republican crowd “leave the building and go onto talk radio?”  Palin kills moose, quits her role as governor, isn’t up on the news, is an insult to women, speaks way out of turn and obviously didn’t educate her children about the Alaskan wild geese and the bees. (Remember her unwed teenage pregnant daughter?) 

 

Most likely Palin can afford her healthcare.  This plan won’t be for her.  It’s for all the nice people, the people who work for a living, read this blog and for those who don’t hate.

 

Vote for a choice . . . and this time . . . it’s a choice for a cheaper kind of healthcare with better benefits.

 

Hey did you know in real life Dr. Kildare was gay?

 

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator

The Mouthinator Health, Politics

Greetings Mouthketeers:

I nearly upchucked my bagel and lox yesterday when I heard the news that allegedly, Sarah Palin is moving to Hampton Bays, New York, the town where my family has lived since 1986! Fact? According to Dan’s Papers, the local rag of the South Fork (known for forgetting to fact-check), the dummy ex-governor with a big mouth, a lot of kids and not much of any kind of experience, moved in on August 1^st! Is that chick gonna shop at my family’s King Kullen, use the terlet at the local Starbucks and go to the local movie theater? Get me outa here!

Well, it won’t be the first time, Dan’s Papers has (hopefully), made a mistake, but it isn’t the first time fancy-schmancy people have lived in Hampton Bays, the “poor” Hampton—the town where people who work and don’t need to be “seen”—live.

There are six things you need to know about Hampton Bays: One—the Hampton Bays Diner is the worst Greek Diner in America and I wouldn’t even invite Sarah to brunch there; Two—Barbra Streisand rented a house across the street from my mother for a summer; Three—the fabulous reporter and host, Jane Velez-Mitchell, spent her summers there as a kid; Four—a gazillion publishing execs live there too; Five—it’s the town where all of the debris from TWA Flight 800 was collected; and Six—if Sarah Palin moves in town I am going to tell my family to move to Canada!@#$ You got that right, Mouthketeers! That woman is a danger to Long Island because she’s gotta gun, and there are a lot of ducks, rabbits and deer romping around in the woods.

Out of all the hoods in the country, why on Earth is Palin plotzing in my family’s hamlet? Couldn’t she have moved near those corrupted rabbis in New Jersey instead of my sleepy town in Long Island? Unless she’s rehearsing for a summer stock version of “Annie Get Your Gun,” she don’t belong in this neck. Doesn’t she realize there will be Jews and gays and people who read the New York Times living around her corner? Sure, there are most likely a few KKK living down our streets too, but in my book, “Plottin’ Palin” is as mean-spirited as those weirdos in white.

Let’s put this in plain English: Sarah Palin is a quitter. Hampton Bays is a working class town. There is no room for Barbie doll, politics-as-usual, bigoted moose hunters.

Will Rush and Beck move to a manse in Hampton Bays too?

“Tear down that wall . . .” –Ronald Reagan

Peace.

The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator News, Politics, Pop Culture

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

I’m sure you’ve heard and/or seen some of the coverage on the Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Judge Sonia Sotomayor?  It just kills me that the news over the division between the Democrats and Republicans, and how each party grills the Judge, continue to overshadow the actual hearings to determine whether or not this woman should be voted as the next Supreme Court Justice.

 

This rant is not about whether the Judge is qualified; rather, this rant brings forth the reason why the political system—as seen through the eyes of the media—must stop once and for all.

 

Why?

 

We are about to elect a person who will have important power, and perhaps Judge Sotomayor is the right person for the job; however, will the politicians and the media stop this crap already and ask the necessary questions to see if she’s kewl enuf for the job rather than speak in a code and beat around the bush?

 

Bush?  Familiar.  Hmmmm. 

 

Let’s quickly change course here. 

 

Why on Earth is Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin known as the poster boy and grrrrl of the Republican Party?  I voted for Regan once and Bush Senior once; however, I proudly voted for Obama.  I would neeeeeveeeer vote for Limbaugh or Palin, the two Bobbsey babes.  I vote for whom I feel will do the right job at the right time.  You got that right!

 

The media is stirring up such agita over Pal-Li, who—in case you didn’t know—aren’t doing diddley squat in the political arena except listen to themselves speak and talk about how they’re fighting against the liberal media.  Boring, boring.  Yawn, yawn.  I hear a new AM station with Palin as host coming on!

 

Let’s change course again. 

 

We will only be a better country when we toss the media ‘tude aside and simply vote for people on what they stand for and not which side of the aisle they sit on.  I don’t want to pussyfoot around the subject of politics any longer, do you?  If I wanna ask the Judge her views on abortion, I want to ask the question in plain English.  Will I ask the question in French if I’m a Democrat and ask the question in German if I’m Republican?  It’s all Greek to me. 

 

If Obama continues to do a so-much-better job than his predecessor (Am I having a senior moment?  I can’t remember who was the president before Obama??), and does a great job after his first term, I’ll vote for Obama again.  However, if he starts to believe his own publicity, I’ll vote for someone else and it might not be Hillary Clinton, if you get my drift.

 

Media, shaddup already and get back to what you really do best—and that is to keep beating a story such as the death of Michael Jackson—to an even deeper death than it already is.

 

Wasn’t Al Franken a funny comedian?

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator. 

 

The Mouthinator Politics

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

This morning’s blog entry is a rant.

 

I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely pissed this country cannot get it together when it comes to offering people affordable healthcare.  Many work their asses off and they still can’t afford the hundreds of dollars a month to protect themselves and their families. If that’s the case why are we all working so hard?  If we don’t have the means to take care of ourselves in times of peril, what are we doing with our money, and why isn’t healthcare more affordable so that it’s not sucking our tills dry?

 

In my opinion, healthcare should be free.  The subject should not be drawn out in government—year-after-year.   We are living in 2009 already, friends.  We should not be wondering if we faint on the street whether or not we will end up strapped onto a gurney in the hallways of some stank hospital with a dirty bathroom, right?  

 

I’ve gone to some gyms that were a hell of a lot cleaner than some of the hospitals I have visited.  If a gym can offer perks (towels, massages, trainers) with a membership, a country can offer healthcare with a US birth certificate.  It should be a perk for being a United States citizen.  

 

When someone is in pain, they should be treated as if they are kings and queens, not as if they’re Louise Fletcher’s patients in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”  Every doctor should take a course in compassion.   Some Veterinarians are nicer to animals than some doctors are to their patients.  What’s up with that?

 

It is absolutely disgraceful that a nursing home charges thousands of dollars a day for care—putting decent people in debt, kidnapping their assets simply to pay outrageous costs to people who don’t want to work there anyway.  There should be no such thing as “long term health insurance.”  We should always have care—whether we break our legs or have colon cancer—we should always have the care we need.   There should be no such thing as reading small print in an insurance policy. If you go to the grocery store and can buy a bag a groceries for face value than you can buy a health insurance policy. Buying a simple plan insurance policy should be as simple as buying milk, eggs and cheese down at the neighborhood deli.  

 

If the government can give billions of dollars to companies who build ugly cars, for God’s sake they can print some more dough for health insurance.  And while they’re at it, any doctor who shows a bit of attitude or dismisses patients as if they are pieces of meat at a supermarket should be fired.  And that also goes for doctors who prescribe drugs to people knowing that these medications will kill them.  All I can say here is . . . Michael Jackson.   Shamon already.  Fire the butts off of these dudes, throw them in jail and take away there medical licenses.

 

Here’s how we will all get free healthcare.  Give big companies a juicy tax break for subsidizing healthcare programs.  Forget the potholes in the street.  We might get a few hemorrhoids bouncing over a hole or two on the highway, but we’ll live.    Pull some tax money that might go to fixing the roads and transfer it to medicine and care.   Towns should cancel their budgets for fireworks displays on the 4^th of July, in favor of using those funds for community healthcare programs.  Forget the parades—put it in the kitty for healthcare.  Forget the girl scout cookie sales—put the money in the kitty for healthcare.Forget giving to the museum—put the money in the kitty for healthcare.

 

Obviously I’m not that stupid to realize this is a complicated subject.  But it’s time to fix the healthcare system so we can seriously focus on the environment.

 

Is “General Hospital” still on TV?  Stay well.

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mouthinator Health, News, Politics

 

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

So I was flipping burgers on the Barbie when I heard Sarah Palin was resigning from her gig in Alaska—effective July 25^th.  And then I took a flip fit!  Excuse me, Governeur; my assistants give me more notice when they leave, so why on Earth are you quitting mid term?

 

This woman is playin’ her state, and playin’ the nation. Is she gonna run for some sort of president?  On what platform?  B-o-r-i-n-g. 

 

Imagine if my clients paid me, and all of a sudden I decided to stop working?  Imagine if a doctor was operating on a patient, didn’t have a clue how to perform the procedure, and walked out in the middle of the operation?  With all the people out of work these days, there’s no room for unprofessional, inexperienced people; so why does America—or a certain slice of American culture—care about Sarah?  If your answer is, “The religious right cares,” then I would say, “Where is your work ethic, Ms. Palin?”

 

In a world where we still have global warming and are totally stumped why North Korea is looking to test a long-range missile towards Hawaii, why do we need to waste another breath on the Governor of Alaska?  Is she running away because she thinks the missile is pointing towards Wasilla? 

 

If Ms. Palin thinks she’s leaving her position in order to use her soon-to-be written book project as a license to tour across the country and campaign for the presidency, I think that’s a lousy idea.  If Ms. Palin thinks she’s leaving her post because she’s afraid a deep, dark secret is going to leak out, I’d say run, Sarah—run, not walk away because if you stay and you’ve got something hot to hide, you’re gonna melt the ice right off of those big, fat glaciers in your backyard.  

 

Hey, whatever happened to Oksana Baiul? 

 

Peace. 

 

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator Politics

 

Greetings Mouthketeers:

 

Do you remember any of Jon & Kate Gosselin’s divorce statements? Do you recall any of President Barack Obama’s resonating speeches? Well, I bet if you read any of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s emails to Buenos Aires, Argentina, resident, “Maria,” you will never forget them!  That’s why, “If you’re looking for help in publishing your ‘prose de pussycat,’ Mr. Governator,” “I’m there!”

 

You got that right.  I will whore myself out to the big cheese publishing barons of the world in order to help Sandy (uh, Mark Sanford), nail a book deal.  Why not?  He certainly is sexy, (although he will never be a hand model with those bony hands); he certainly can cry on camera (although all men who are caught cheating these days seem to tear up on cue); and, he certainly has a lot of writing talent.  Read this:

 

Lusts Sandy, to Maria, (whose real name will probably leak out in today’s news), “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light — but hey, that would be going into sexual details …“

 

Wow. Did I just read the lyrics to “The Girl From Ipanema?”  Where did this dude study English?  Move over, Barbara Cartland:  When The Sandster gets axed from the GOP, he is gonna wet the panties of his readers (who can only imagine being in the same shoes—or the same tankini—as Maria), or he will be hired as a talking head for the Fox News Channel.    

 

Seriously friends, it’s time for us to live up to what our parents taught us: And that is to be nice people who don’t cheat on their loved ones.

 

Hey, I bet former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is glad he is outa the spotlight today, right?

 

Peace.

 

The Mouthinator.   

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mouthinator Politics

Greetings Mouthketeers:

I had the pleasure of driving to work yesterday, and during the excursion, turned on the radio and stumbled upon “The Glenn Beck Program.”  Is Beck kidding?  At times, I really like Glenn Beck on television:  He’s eloquent, delivers a great sound byte, and even though I don’t always agree with his politics, think he’s somewhat entertaining too.  And, I realize a lot of people like him. (That guy must make gazillion dollars!) 

But this GB radio show almost put me to sleep at the wheel.  Why?

First: Let’s talk bare bones logistics.  What’s up with that 1980s radio voice, Glenn?  You know, the sound you wanted to hear when you were a kid—as you yelled into a glass or screamed at your bathroom tiles—just to hear your voice echo?  (In radio terms, the “echo” is called, “reverb.”)  Second: What’s up with the promo music?  Is Beck’s show a “Newstalk” show or is it a “Z Morning Zoo?”  A wannabe “Imus?”  Surely not a “Howard Stern,” right?  Puhleese.  Save the scratchy electric guitar promos and the whispering women for a ZZ-Top Reunion.  Third:  How many times do you have to say, “Yadda, yadda, yadda . .?”  (OK.  Maybe that was a cheap shot.  I apologize Mr. Beck for critiquing your vocabulary.)  And Fourth:  If I heard another minute more about Billy Joel’s divorce—which seemed to be a topic of discussion for nearly an hour—I was going to do a jackknife across the highway!

You got that right.  Who the hell cares about Billy Joel’s divorce, and the fact he married a chick more than thirty years his junior?  After Beck ranted on and on about this “Piano Man’s” predicament, they opened up the phone lines to talk about the age difference, and a 53 year-old male caller chimed in and boasted how lucky he was to meet his (now) 23 year-old wife.  However, the fact the caller hinted he met his wife when she was a minor—and the fact Beck and his Z Morningish Zoo crew thought it was funny, was really creepy to me . . . Especially when the next segment was a monologue judging our new President Obama, who the last time I checked, wasn’t joking in the Oval Office about pedophlia.

Let’s not even touch upon the Obama thing, because this is a free country, and if Beck wants to vote for Sarah Palin next time around, go for it baby (no pun)—and bring those stanky guitars with you in the voting booth.  But really, Beck, your persona on TV is a disconnect with your radio host character, and although it’s great you command a huge audience who respects you, I’m not sure I find humor in a caller admitting he played around with a minor before having her baby.  Do you?  On the other hand, if you respected Sarah Palin’s 2008 campaign, you probably aren’t thrown off by really awkward moments.   

In a world where Sarah Palin has the right to scream and yell at David Letterman for making that stupid joke about how he thought Palin’s teenage daughter should get knocked up by baseball star, Alex Rodriguez, why is Beck and company not judging his 53 year-old geezer of a caller?  Instead, we’re privy to hearing Beck’s entourage chuckling in the background about this sick schtick!  Do you think because you’re all guys, this subject matter is acceptable, and a rite of passage only worthy of those who watch Spike TV? Uh, where the hell is Gloria Steinem when you need her?   

This ain’t guy talk; This is NewsTalk . . . Radio.   

Beck:  Tell it like it is—without the reverb, the guitars, and the sales pitch.  Oh, and congrats on your (already) New York Times best-seller, Glenn Beck’s Common Sense, the book you say was ‘scary to write.’ 

Lights out, fellas.

Hey, whatever happened to Soupy Sales? 

Peace.

The Mouthinator.  

The Mouthinator News, Politics, Pop Culture, entertainment

Greetings Mouthketeers:

If you saw the “Today Show” this morning, you probably saw the interview with Sara Jane Moore, the only woman to have fired a bullet at a U.S. President (Gerald Ford). However, what the show didn’t tell you is that according to Geri Spieler, author of the new book, Taking Aim At the President:  The Remarkable Story of the Woman Who Shot At Gerald Ford, (Palgrave Macmillan), the late Gerald Ford agreed that the lack of communication between the Secret Service, FBI, and Justice Departments, could have been a major contributing factor to Sara Jane’s success in firing the gun.

Ford gave Spieler an exclusive interview for the book, which focused on intelligence gathering and government agencies.  Reveals Ford, “They all want their own turf. They get their own money, have their own power base.  It has been that way and it is not likely to change.  It’s too bad, and it is not likely to be any different.”  The book also reveals for the first time that because of Moore’s connection as a volunteer with various revolutionary groups, Sara Jane was indeed a double-agent:  Tapped to be an FBI and a San Francisco Police Department Informant.

Why didn’t the Today Show interview this author or reach out to anyone from the Ford family? Perhaps they did; but for about fourteen minutes, Sara Jane Moore was a star.

Does anyone remember the show, “Get Smart?”

Peace.

The Mouthinator.

The Mouthinator Politics, Pop Culture, entertainment