Greetings Mouthketeers: 

Am I the only one who feels hijacked by my electrical devices?  Way back, when people didn’t have any, no one missed these contraptions.  Besides the TV, laptop, stereo, and perhaps the IPod, the cell phone is the only piece of equipment I absolutely must-have in my life. 

It’s the number one really important device I think we own.  Not because it also morphs into an email or Safari system, because it’s smart, and it helps us order movie tickets, makes sure our kids are OK and allows us to say good night to a friend in a different time zone, amongst other things.  You really need it . . . so much so, I predict in a few years (OK, maybe a decade), “they” will have invented a way to embed a version of the sucker in your ear lobe . . . and if I were them, I would call it the “phone chip.”

Did you hear me? I did say they will figure out a way to embed  the phone chip in our ears, (aka “celling it to our bodies”), and it will be much cheaper to produce because you won’t need so much hardware to make it work.  By having the phone chip, we’ll all have instant access to 911, 411, 311, 0, 212, 888, 900, etc., etc.  And of course, the government will find a way to fine us for turning on our ears . . . Uh; I mean our chips, when we’re in an elevator, on a train, in a restaurant and on a plane. 

Isn’t chatting to whomever on a cell phone—in an elevator car—the most obnoxious act created by man?  Have you ever taken a trip to the tenth floor with two or three people who are all yapping on their LGs?  Who are these kats talking to?  Unless you are going up to heaven, can’t you people wait until you get off on seventeen before you open up your traps?  And for God’s sake, lower your voice!  You aren’t funny and we really don’t care how your blind date went last night. 

Why is the Motorola V3 Razr still for sale?  Isn’t that thing a dinosaur yet, along with the eight-track tape?  Do you remember the ad campaign, “Hello Moto?”  When it first came out, I thought “Moto” was a doll made in Japan, and I must’ve been the last person to realize it was a kewl way of saying “Motorola.”  Well, adios-ola Motorola.  I’m gonna getz me an embedded phone chip in my ear lobe. 

If it’s “anti-Jewish” to be tattooed, do you think the Mitzvah Mavens will ban the use of the phone chip?  Honestly, if Jews didn’t have phones, (in whatever shape or form), Bell Telephone would go bankrupt.  And if we all can’t speak on a Moto, I guess we will all go back to chatting in person . . . or better yet, communicate the old school way:  emailing each other.   What a great way to communicate.     

Fade to Blackberry.  Ugh.   How would you tell an ex you’re breaking up with them?  Text message? 

Peace.

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator Technology