Greetings Mouthketeers:

We’ve all watched the legendary, Cher, turn back time—transitioning from a 60ish year-old senior to a 17 year-old somthin/somthin throughout the last decade.  Now, Cher’s, gay daughter, Chastity Sun Bono, will be transitioning her own way as she announced late last night she will become a male and has asked to be called “Chaz.”  You got that right.  I’d say Chaz has some big balls to go ahead with this.  You go, boyyyyy! 

I had the unique experience of meeting Chaz’s parents, Sonny and Cher, at the Playboy Plaza Hotel in Miami Beach in the early 1960s.  On a hot December day, the two were tanning by the pool, and to add to the excitement, the Jackson Five were swimming in the pool right next to them.  (True story.)  There I was, as tall as I was wide, plopping in and out of the water and running up and down the patio—trying to entice my secret love, Cher Bono, to notice me.   

So I went over to Cher and asked for her autograph. 

She was lying on her stomach, and Sonny was propped up on his back, reading a book.  Tragically for me, Cher wouldn’t turn over to acknowledge my existence; however, Sonny was kind enough to autograph his name—and hers—on the playbill I had gotten the night before from their show.  (Imagine seeing the “Sonny and Cher Show” at the age of six with your parents at the Playboy Plaza in Miami Beach Florida . . . Unforgettable.) 

Who cared about Michael Jackson, who looked like a real person in those days? All I wanted was to meet Cher, and she didn’t give me the time of day.  I never forgot how she dissed me, and when I was fortunate enough to represent Olympia Dukakis six years ago (and told her my devastating Cher story), the uber talented Dukakis—who starred with Cher in “Moonstruck”—promised me Cher was a very nice woman who ‘would apologize to me if she knew she had hurt me.’

Now that I’m (apparently) an adult, I don’t need Cher’s forgiveness or her love for that matter; however if there’s anyone who needs Cher now, it’s her newfound son, Chaz.  It must suck being a man stuck in a woman’s body.  Hell, it certainly sucks being a man stuck in a chubby body as I’m sure it’s a tragedy being an older woman who has just realized she has lost her looks.  The grass is always greener.  What can we all do but live our lives the way our gut—not necessarily our God—tells us to.  I’m not necessarily convinced God created transgendered souls; however, I know God loves them.  Read your Bibles people.  Page 34:  And God said, “Thou shalt love White People, Asian, Black, Indian and Transgendered peeps.”  (OK.  Sorry.  It must be page 36.)

Chastity was a very, very cute little girl whose parents paraded her on their television show as if she was a toy.  Now the toy is turning into a boy, and I sure hope Cher will still want to play with him. 

Good luck, Chaz.  Wishing you all the best.

Does anyone remember when we all used baby oil mixed with Iodine as a tan accelerator? 

Peace.

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator Lifestyle, entertainment