Greetings Mouthketeers:

If you’re a true Mouthketeer, you already know I live in Connecticut; and when I first moved here (from NYC), I was amazed how friendly everyone is to each other—that neighbors wave to strangers.  My dog Rufus could be taking a dump and low and behold while I’m pooper-scoopering it up, the Nutmeggers are waving at me as if they’re saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll clean it up for you” or “Hi, let’s share some scooping tips with each other”  Weird?  Uh, no.  That’s their way of socializing. 

If they are “kind by day,” why are these same people “dark as night” when they’re commuting?   No air kisses on Metro-North.  People want anonymity, and I can’t blame them . . . which is why I’m utterly shocked these same riders don’t say anything when the drunks and the kids kick, scream and vomit during the entire trip to Grand Central Terminal. 

What the hell point am I making?  We’ve all been on a train, on a bus or on a plane, when there’s one person who oversteps the unofficial boundaries of silence in public.  Have you ever been on a subway and all of a sudden a smelly Doo Wop group runs in your car, begging for money, screaming “The Book of Love” or some ditty of that ilk in your face, guilting you into giving them money?  OK.  Some people have odor problems and most don’t make their fortunes on Wall Street; however, just because beggars need cash, doesn’t mean they have the right to hold me hostage . . . musically.  The next time a street performer who looks like Wayne Newton, sings, “When Sunny Gets Blue” off key, I will wash their mouth out with anti-bacterial soap, and test them for the Swine Flu. 

My fantasy is the next time I hear someone invade my space I will tell them to shut up.  To all the super-self-engaged people who pump up the volume when they talk on a cell phone so we can all hear them speak, you can all kiss my ass because you are gonna be challenged by me to keep quiet.  You got that right.  It is “commuter payback time.”

In closing, have you all seen the fantastic ad campaign for the State of Michigan saying, ‘We live—give or take—25,000 mornings, so why not spend some in Michigan?”  That ad further confirms we are all here for a fleeting moment; and if that’s the case, then we need to be more selfish of our time and become more vocal when people chip away at our hourglasses without forewarning. 

Have you ever been to Michigan?

Peace.

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator Pop Culture