Dear Mouthketeers:

For those of you who care about reality television, last night’s finale of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” ended with verve—or shall I say, with Teresa throwing a table across a private dining room during her housewarming party at a local restaurant.  However, no one on the show was more classy than Danielle Staub, whose checkered past was unlocked in a book she unveiled at the party, called Cop Without a Badge, written by her first ex-husband.  This book, and all the brouhaha surrounding last night’s last episode of “Housewives,” made Staub, a/k/a Beverly Merrill, look as if she could have played Whitney Houston’s best friend in “Being Bobby Brown.”  However, Staub claims most of the book isn’t true, and used the finale of the reality TV franchise as her opportunity to air her grievances. 

Staub isn’t the only one to have a book haunt her for years. 

Years ago, my mom was washing dishes as she was listening to NPR, and while she heard the interview, couldn’t believe the guest was talking about her life—the guest being James McBride, New York Times best-selling author of The Color of Water.  You see, the story was about McBride’s mother who never told anyone about her past, and the author was on a mission to find out about his white mother’s family tree.   Little did anyone know but my mom was McBride’s mother’s first cousin, and after the NPR interview aired, Water played a big role in breaking up our family, just as Cop played a big role in severing ties with many of the cast members on “Housewives.”

Although I won’t tell you whom my mother’s character was in Water, (the names were changed to protect the “innocent,” I guess), what I will tell you is the story puts my mom and her immediate family in a very bad light; and even though the critics propelled McBride’s book to classic status, I know the writing is filled with lies.  (Where is Michiko Kakutani when you need her?) 

Apparently McBride stuck a mic under his mother’s nose and let her rant, and those rants were enough for him (and his editor at Riverhead), to craft his tale.  Boy, is McBride lucky he didn’t publish his book after A Million Little Pieces, where author James Frey tweaked his tome simply to sell more copies and be famous, I assume.  If the timing of McBride’s book was released after the Frey story, there would be no way in hell Riverhead would have published it without a level of vetting or at least convince McBride to get off his ass and do the fact checking himself.  Since McBride must’ve made a ton of money after the book pubbed, should McBride have given a portion of his royalties to the family members he hurt as an apology? 

At the end of the day, the “Housewives” knew who they were, and had an opportunity to air their “point-counter-point” reaction to the book on their show; however, McBride never met my mother, never bothered to do his homework, and obviously, never suggested a retraction to run on a TV show or an NPR interview where my mom could air her grievances. (Actually, she didn’t want to be part of any publicity surrounding the book.)  When Water was released, there were no reality television shows used as platforms to set the record straight and give an innocent person a vehicle to say their peace.  However, as housewife Caroline Manzo eloquently said in the finale of the “Housewives” show, “If someone attacks my family, I will attack back.” So, without further adieu, all I can say to James McBride is, “Fuck you, asshole.”

Did you mom ever wash your mouth out with soap?

Peace.

The Mouthinator. 

The Mouthinator entertainment